


The Return

by LibraryMage



Series: Break Your Chains [32]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Ezra Bridger, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-07 23:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15918486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: Kanan and Ezra go back to Malachor to help a friend.





	The Return

**Author's Note:**

> warning for: references to past child abuse and character death

A chill crept up Ezra’s spine as he piloted the _Phantom_ toward the gaping crater in Malachor’s surface.  He tried to ignore it, but it was persistent, even as he told himself it would be different this time.  Maul was dead.  He couldn’t appear from the shadows this time.  He couldn’t hurt Kanan again.

“Are you okay?” Kanan asked as he stopped pacing to stand behind Ezra.

“Yeah,” Ezra said.  “Are you?”

“I will be,” Kanan said with a small sigh.  He put a hand on Ezra’s shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Nothing will happen this time,” he said.

“With our luck, something will,” Ezra said, trying to force even a little bit of humor into his voice, only for it to come out flat.

Ezra carefully eased the _Phantom_ through the hole in the planet’s surface.  It seemed like they were flying through darkness for an eternity before the ruins of the temple came into view.  Ezra clutched at the controls tightly as he set the _Phantom_ down on a slab of stone that looked relatively stable.  He took a long, deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he hit the switch to open the shuttle’s hatch.

Ezra crossed the ship and hesitated for a moment as he stared out across the field of fallen stone and twisted metal.  As hard as he tried, he couldn’t stop himself from shaking as he stepped off of the _Phantom_ with Kanan close behind him and carefully made his way toward the caved-in temple.

Even in ruins, the sight of the temple made Ezra feel like the air was being ripped from his lungs.  He’d never imagined he’d set foot on this planet again.  No matter how many times he told himself that nothing would happen, fear lurked at the edges of his mind, pulling at him, waiting for a chance to drag him into his memories just like Maul had dragged him into the shadows.

Ezra stopped in his tracks as he felt the echo of a hand over his mouth, muffling his cries for help.  His hands curled into fists at his sides, his nails digging into his palms, as if that would drive away the ghosts of the feeling of Maul violently dragging him away, the echoes of Maul’s voice, the sense of dread and helplessness that reached across time to bury itself in his heart again.

Something forced his hand open and after a moment, Kanan’s hand closed around his, holding on tightly.  When Ezra looked up at Kanan, he saw the tight, pained look on his master’s face, and his stomach clenched as it hit him that this was the last place Kanan had been able to see.  The last thing he’d seen was Maul attacking.

“It’s okay.  You’re okay,” Kanan said, and Ezra wasn’t sure if Kanan was speaking to him or to himself.

Together, they walked toward the temple, Ezra clinging tightly to Kanan’s hand.

“She’s here,” Ezra said.

“I can sense her,” Kanan said with a nod.

“Ahsoka!” Ezra called.  “Ahsoka, it’s us!”

Even though he’d been expecting it, Ezra jumped when he heard footsteps approaching.  They echoed around him, as if they were coming from everywhere at once.  Ezra shook his head.  It was just a trick of the environment, nothing more than that.

“I figured I’d be hearing from you two soon enough.”

Ezra let go of Kanan’s hand and rushed toward the source of the voice, throwing his arms around Ahsoka as she emerged from the shadows.  Ahsoka froze up for a moment, surprised by Ezra’s outburst of affection.  Ezra wasn’t even entirely sure why he’d done it.  Just being here, surrounded by all the pain and heartache from the last time and seeing Ahsoka, _alive_ and _there_ and _safe_ had driven him to it.

“It’s been a difficult year,” Kanan said.

“I can tell,” Ahsoka said.

Ezra’s face flushed as he let go of Ahsoka and stepped back, suddenly embarrassed at what he’d just done.  Ahsoka wasn’t Kanan.  They weren’t that close.

“We thought you were dead,” he mumbled, staring at the ground and kicking a small rock at his feet.

“I think I technically was,” Ahsoka said.  “At least until you rescued me.”

Ahsoka glanced around, her eyes scanning the ruins as if she expected someone or something else to emerge from them.  She shook her head quickly before focusing her attention back on Kanan and Ezra.

“We should go,” she said.  “I don’t think any of us want to be here longer than we have to.”

Ezra shook his head quickly.  He’d have been happy never to come back here again, and wouldn’t have if he hadn't known that Ahsoka was now trapped in this place.

Together, the three of them walked back to the _Phantom_.  Ezra didn’t glance back as he stepped onto the ship and settled into the pilot’s seat.  He never wanted to lay eyes on Malachor again.

* * *

 

“Ezra?”

Ezra jumped as he heard Ahsoka’s voice from behind him.  He breathed deeply, trying to steady his nerves as he realized his heart had started pounding.  He had to keep it together.  Now it mattered more than ever.

“Sorry,” Ahsoka said.

Ezra shook his head.

“I’m fine,” he said.  “Just a little on edge.”

“It’s a good plan,” Ahsoka said.  “And we all know what we need to do.”

Silence fell and Ezra stared down at the ground as thoughts about all the things that could go wrong crowded around inside his head.  He’d planned as much as it was possible to plan, but he knew that no matter what, he still wouldn’t be able to save the others from the thing he hadn't thought of.

“I never got a chance to thank you,” Ahsoka said.  “What you did…just, thanks.”

“You’d have done the same,” Ezra said with a shrug.  He didn’t know her well enough to know if she really would have, but he didn’t know what else to say.

“Kanan told me some of what’s happened since…” she trailed off, like she didn’t want to say it.  “Are you okay?”

Ezra couldn’t help but let out a bitter and humorless laugh at that.

“No,” he said, his voice flat.  “After everything Maul did…I don’t know if I ever will be.”

“Kanan told me that you…”

“Killed him?” Ezra finished for her.  “Yeah, I did.  I stabbed my master in the chest.  Twice.”

He sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair.

“I didn’t mean -- he’s not --”

“It’s okay,” Ahsoka said with a small smile.  “I won't tell Kanan.”

Her expression softened and Ezra looked away, wondering what she was thinking, how he looked and felt in the Force to her.  He knew whatever impression he was giving probably wasn't a good one.

“Are you glad you did it?” she asked.

“A little,” Ezra said, kicking at a loose clump of dirt in the grass at his feet.  “I feel guilty about it, but I was trying to protect Kanan.  Maul would have killed him.  He almost _did_.”

“I’m sorry, Ezra,” Ahsoka said.  “You never should have had to do that.”

“That’s what Kanan says, too,” Ezra muttered, kicking at the stubborn clump of dirt again.

“He’s right.”

“I know,” Ezra said.  “But now Maul can’t do any more damage.”

“All thanks to you,” Ahsoka said.  She put her hand on his shoulder and tightened her grip just slightly, as if to reassure him, pulling away after just a moment.

“He’s buried here,” Ezra said.  “On Lothal.”

“Have you been back there?” Ahsoka asked, a hesitation in her voice Ezra couldn’t quite figure out the reason for.

Ezra shook his head.

“I didn’t want to be able to…to be near him or anything,” he said.  “I just -- it didn’t feel right to just leave him.  I know that doesn’t make sense, but --”

“I think it does,” Ahsoka said.  “I think…”

She paused as she thought over her words.

“I think it’s what a lot of Jedi would have done,” she said.

Ezra felt something twisting inside his chest at her words.  She sounded sincere.  She almost sounded _proud_ and he didn’t know how to respond to that coming from someone who wasn’t Kanan or Hera.  Or Maul.

“Do you really think I can do it?” he asked.  “Become a Jedi?”

Kanan always said he could.  Kanan had encouraged him from the start.  Ahsoka was different.  She wasn’t close to him the way Kanan was.  She didn’t have any reason to lie to make him feel better.

“Ezra,” she said, a smile twitching across her face briefly, as if he’d said something amusing.  “You already are.”

“I --”

“Ezra!”

Ezra glanced back over his shoulder to see Sabine, beckoning to him as she called his name.  He was actually a little glad for the interruption.  He hadn't really known what he wanted to say.

“Come on,” Ahsoka said.  “We have a planet to save.”


End file.
